Helping others has been something I’ve always enjoyed doing. Even so, sometimes it has been harder to help myself, and there are times when I can’t even take my own advice.
When it comes depression, it kicks my ass. It’ll go away for a little while and then come back and beat me from behind, knocking me face first into a pile of crap. When others are depressed, I always want to make them feel better. I want them to enjoy life and all the possibilities there are. I want them to stay positive, look at the bright side of things, and keep pushing on. I’ll tell them to do things they enjoy, taking their mind off the bad stuff in their life.
When my depression settles in, it’s not that easy, and I know many others feel the same way. I can give others all the advice in the world, but then it comes down to me and whether I want to end my life, I just can’t get myself to do the same things I offer to others.
I’ve always had the biggest heart. As much as I say I hate people, I actually don’t. I want them to not be assholes. I want them to love life, and love others, and more importantly, love themselves.
Over the last few years, I’ve grown so much as a person, it’s hard to believe that I’m still me. I’ve learned to cope with my feelings, and have learned that despite my depression constantly coming back, I can live my life. I can appreciate life for what it is, and while I still struggle every once in a while, my main goal for the future is to help those dealing with similar issues. Being an advocate for suicide prevention is something I’ll always be proud of.