Ever since I was a little kid, I rarely had boy friends. In fact, the only guy friend I’ve ever really had was my best friend, which in itself is pretty ironic.
I would say the main reason for my lack of boys as friends was because I was gay, but I’m afraid it’s not that simple. Obviously that was a huge part of it, and most guys never wanted to play with me as a child, and still to this day don’t want to hang out with me. Even so, I wish I could say that it was entirely their fault, but it’s not that simple either.
When I was in elementary school, boys never wanted to have anything to do with me (with the exception above). I was gay, awkward, and quite frankly, afraid of them. I was bullied a lot and it made it really difficult for me to even pursue the nice boys as friends. In middle school, things slowly began to shift, except a few bullies and the one time I got jumped by a group of guys. Because of these things, I was terrified of being friends, even though I was attracted to them.
When I started high school, I started to befriend a few, but those went out the window within a few months. Now, as a senior getting ready to graduate in three months, I have almost no boy friends and I really don’t have a definitive answer.
One of the reasons is likely the lack of commonality. A lot of guys enjoy things like sports and working out (not saying all, just in general), and then here I am with my books. Another reason, I hate to say it, is probably because I’m gay. Many guys I’ve met in high school are still really immature. They do say females mature faster than males, which is possibly another reason as well. I want true friendships and often guys I come across don’t want that, and instead, just want things I can’t really offer.
There’s one big difference between elementary/middle school me and high school me: Lately, I’ve wanted guy friends. I want guy friends that won’t treat me differently because I’m gay. I want guy friends that I can talk to and connect with. I want to feel like I am accepted by people of my own gender. Maybe it’ll happen someday, but I’m way more willing now. Sure, I’m turned down, and sure, it’s not easy. Maybe adulthood will come with wider territory for me to travel and I can finally make some guy friends that will accept me for who I truly am and won’t ask me to change. Not in the slightest.